Breaking up, Anonymous (16)

My boyfriend broke up with me not too long ago and it’s been hard to deal with it. I’d know him for years, been friends with him for a majority of those years, and dated him for the past couple years. he’d been ignoring me for a couple of months, making me feel as if I’d done something wrong. I kept asking him if I did something to anger him, or if he wanted to talk, but it was always just “I’m tired” or “I don’t want to talk about it” little did I know he’d lost feelings for me and was leading me on and only using me for sexual favors toward the end of our relationship. it’s heartbreaking because it’s like he lost feelings for me overnight. I don’t know what went wrong. we were so incredibly close and now we don’t even talk. he broke up with me a week before my birthday. anytime I think about him, deep anxiety fills my chest. it feels like I can’t breathe. I feel empty. everything I see reminds me of him and I hate it. I’m trying to move on but I feel like I have so much unfinished business with him. I want closure, I want a real apology, and I honestly just want us to be on good terms. I always thought that if we broke up, we’d at least be friends, but he didn’t even treat me like I ever mattered to him toward the end. I understand that feelings change, that’s not what I’m hurt by. I’m hurt by the fact he used me and made it seem like I never mattered to him. I’m hurt by the fact I was only being used for sexual favors and then being ignored. I know I meant more to him than that, so why did he do that to me? I wish it’d ended differently. I wish that we were still friends and that he would’ve had more respect for me. as a friend. as a human being. I’m still hoping he reaches out to me. I’m still hoping we talk about what happened because so much happened at once and I didn’t even get the chance to say what I wanted to say due to the shock of the situation.