Confused and alone, Anonymous (16)

Growing up I always thought life was good. My parents were together and my sister and I fought a lot but that’s normal for siblings. Once I started growing up my perspective on life change. I found that my parents were having issues and have had issues long before I was born, my sister was having some mental issues she was dealing with on her own, and I have an autistic sister that doesn’t understand the situation and always frustrates me. I know it doesn’t seem like I have it bad. I really don’t, to be honest, but I do at the same time. My dad and I are not on good terms. he thinks we’re fine but we’re not. he’s very toxic and manipulative. he’s been mentally hurting me for the past 4 years and doesn’t seem to care. I’ve tried so hard with that man but he thinks he’s the perfect dad but a perfect dad would identify the fact that his daughter wants to kill herself. my mom is toxic but not as much as my dad I’ll try going to her about my problems but she turns it into a me problem and goes on ab how her life sucks as well. my sisters don’t understand and will never understand. I have no one to talk to bc I have no friends and sometimes I feel like I don’t have a family. I wake up every day wanting to go back to sleep. I’ve lost everyone and everything that made me happy. everyone at my school doesn’t like me for no reason. It sucks. but I’ve been dealing with it for so long that I'm numb. I’ve hidden my feelings for so long bc my parents don’t believe kids have it rough or in mental illness. I'm just done trying I'm loosing at this game.