It all started in 8th grade when I had to deal with all my friends leaving me and people talking badly behind my back. Before that, I always relied on my friends for my happiness. During that time, my mental health truly hit a dip. I still had to go to school every day and put on a smile. However, whenever I would come home I would cry myself to sleep and think about how dying would stop everything. To this day, I have only opened up to a few people about the thoughts in my head. Some days I truly do feel happy but when I am sad, I always put on a fake smile. On the inside, I am not okay and continue to deal and improve my mental health every day. However, on the outside, I look perfectly fine. Some would even say happy.
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Hiding your emotions is difficult and tiring, and I'm sorry that you feel like you need to do so. Remember that every day you are making the choice to keep going. Even though you might not realize this, you make this choice because there is a small part of you that has hope for the future and wants to see what will happen. Never lose sight of that part of yourself. Look for things to look forward to, no matter how small. Anything that can motivate you to keep going is helpful. Sometimes for me that means thinking about a favorite breakfast I will eat the next day or a fun tv show I can watch. I'm sorry to hear…